• Jennifer Holmes

The Last Time I Felt This Way I Went Skydiving.

"I think when you are truly stuck, when you have stood still in the same spot for too long, you throw a grenade in exactly the spot you were standing in. And jump. And pray. It is the momentum of last resort."

-Renatta Adler from Speedboat

I came upon this quote recently while reading a great book called "Tracks" by Robyn Davidson. My first thought was, Holy crap that is totally ME!

This realization got me thinking. Why am I like that? Why do I allow myself to stay in situations looooong after I realize they are no good for me? Why is change so hard that I wait until the ship is on fire and sinking before I will jump?

It's true I went skydiving once. You can see the photographic evidence below, and on my about me page. That was for fun, to celebrate a milestone birthday.

But in my day-to-day life I kid myself. I reason that I don't take risks because I have excellent instincts of self preservation. I am naturally level-headed and cautious. Besides, the unknown is frightening. If I jump, (e.g quit my full time job, start a blog, open myself up to the world) who knows how I would land? I could drown (read: fail). I could break an ankle. (look ridiculous, make an ass of myself) Or what if I landed ok, only to find that the place I jumped from wasn't as bad as I thought, but I can't go back?

So many "what-ifs". So much hand-wringing and worry and caution and concern.

But if I'm honest with myself, know what it all amounts to? F-E-A-R. Say it with me now: Just plain old, chicken- livered, scaredy-cat, FEAR of the unknown. And you know what? I'M TIRED OF IT! SO. DAMNED. TIRED. So I decided to do something about it. I am moving past the planning stages. No more waiting for just the right moment, or convincing myself I need more time, money, or experience. I am plowing through the fear, AND JUST FREAKIN DOING IT ALREADY.

And you know what? It's been working. It's a work in progress. Just like we all are. But when I take a big gulping breath, and honestly look beyond the giant wall of doubts my mind has built, I am reminded over and over that I have everything I need to be sucessful and happy. Without all that fear, I realize something vital: I AM ENOUGH. God, how fantastic it feels every time I say that! And yes, the fear still pushes in trying to make it untrue - but now I know it is true. I have everything I need for the life I want. I. AM. ENOUGH.

JUMP...*BOOM*

Now it's your turn:

Was there a time when you felt stuck? How did you motivate yourself when you were unsure of the way ahead? Share you opinion. I'd love to hear from you!

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